man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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