Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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