mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
