She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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