I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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