she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
