Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
