Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
