The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
