Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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