id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
