I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
