good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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