You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
