Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
