I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
