I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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