When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I smell stomach acid.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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