Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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