I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
