I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
