Someone shit on the floor
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
