I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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