There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I FOUND THE LEGS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
