I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
