it wasn't lemon gatorade
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
