Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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