With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize