guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
