after a month anything with tits is on the radar
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
