Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
