party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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