Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize