At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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