remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
