Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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