So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
