What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
