You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
