i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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