I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
