Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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