Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
