She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
