Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
