Do you still have your period?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
