It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
