He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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