she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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