Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
