i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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