i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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