Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
