hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
