I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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