your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
