My first STD was from a foam party
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize