Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
