hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
