too bad you live with your parents still
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
