My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
