i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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