you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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