I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
