I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
