Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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