After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize